Wing Dings and Tide Pods – Super Bowl Snacks

Pile of Doughnuts

For those of you who have not yet visited the new Food Lion store in Wake Forest, which, based on the hoard of shoppers we had to fight our way through now there can not be many, I wanted to give you a quick rundown on a few of the things you can expect at this fresh contemporary location.

One of the first things I found unique was how all of the sidewalks funnel you down into the sides of the building, you know, so you may enter the vestibule through the doors which are perpendicular to the front of the building (for those of you from Iron-Duff that is a fancy way of saying that there’s a porch which sticks out from the front of the home and instead of having steps that go right up the centre the steps is over on each side). So what you need to do is, step back out into the road, avoid getting hit, and then return to the front of the vestibule in which the doors are (porch for those of you from Iron-Duff). I must say, with an abysmal over that front area (covered porch for those of you from Iron-Duff) could have been very handy during today’s monsoon.

Now if you’re thinking that all this work simply to get inside might not be worth it, fear not, once inside you will find all the groceries you came for, and of course the chance to stroll through the walk in produce cooler. This chamber is properly humidified and adequately cooled so as to keep the freshest vegetables in town. Upon departing the produce cave you’ll end up drifting through their new state of the art Deli. Folks, they have subs, pizzas, pastas, sandwiches, sushi, as well as whole fried chickens. You can imagine my excitement seeing each the delis offerings, especially after having to spend all that time in the create cave. Hey Food Lion, how bout the next time ya’ll get together to look a store and some young hipster walks in the room and says you will need a produce cooler over there where the beer cave used to be, ya’ll do a little adult’n and put him back on night shift stocking shelves. Trust me, a few months of night shift coupled with Indian River Shores Rat Removal the disruption of his delicate circadian rhythm and he’ll forget all about his organic vegan ways, but I digress.

So back to the deli, where today is Super Bowl Sunday and I’m about to buy myself a few dozen Wing Dings. I’m thinking maybe I’ll find a dozen regular Wing Dings and a Dozen Spicy Wing Dings, right? So I’m looking all up and down the sexy shelf and I don’t find any, so I asked this fine young fellow from the deli area where I might locate the Wing Dings. I assumed he worked at the deli because he was wearing a blue, fresh out of the bag, Food Lion polo with a shiny new badge. The badge even had his name on it, or at least I think it was his name, it is hard to tell if they use them old-school Dymo labelers. I say all of this to help clarify what happened next, because what I heard was a statement which I assumed was simply coming from the mouth of some new child, one who doesn’t know the retail business yet, or perhaps he just isn’t up to speed on all things Food Lion yet, cause what he says was,”we don’t make Wing Dings anymore”!! At that very moment I gave that young man my full attention, looked him right in the eyes, and demanded that he clarify his statement! Before the poor kid could even get out three good b’s of a”b-b-b-but” stutter, another fellow decided he might need to intervene. Additionally wearing one of them new blue polo shirts with accompanying Dymo embossed title tag, although his denoted him as the”Deli Manager”, he proceeded to affirm the young lads previously stated gut wrenching news by saying,”yep, that’s right, we ain’t gonna make those Wing Dings anymore. We got this brand new hot pub over here where you can get em any way you want em”, as he points toward a rolling buffet that’s just the perfect height to permit children to play. After a glance around the bar, I realized that what he meant by”any way you want em” is that you can have em any way you want em so long as the way you want em is overheated to the point that the meat’s drawn up on the bone and then dip em in a sticky sweet BBQ or Orange Sauce. People, that ain’t the way I need em!

If you’re wondering what I did next, I’ll let you know. I did the only thing a self-respecting man can do, I grabbed one of these to-go boxes and proceeded to pick out a dozen of these overheated drawn up on the bone diabeetus sauce covered fake chicken wings. I didn’t do this because I wanted to mind you, but instead because Beth had snatched me by the arm and told me to stop my whining, leave the poor deli kid alone, do or do not get some of them dang chicken wings way she don’t care, and come on so we could finish shopping. Together with my wings in the buggy, I ended my pouting when pushing our cart throughout the land of lost promises, all the while taking care not to bump into the little old women blocking the aisles while they waited to hear from the store manager as to whether or not the grand opening sale price for tuna fish would still be honored next week.

Now for those who are concerned about me and worry as to how I could possibly survive without Wing Dings, please rest easy, for I will finally find a gas station deli that fixes their wings just how I like em. I want to ask however, that if you have a spare moment, you might want to say a prayer for the poor cashier that checked us out, I’m sure she would appreciate it. Turns out that I was not the only one that was disappointed in our shopping experience and wondering exactly what the world was coming to. Now while Beth may not share my affinity for Wing Dings, she did seem to have some pet peeves when it came to bagging her groceries, together with a few choice words for the poor cashier that did the baggin. She seemed genuinely surprised that the cashier had put our toothpaste in the same bag with all of our cleaning supplies, which included a bottle of liquid bleach. I guess it takes a lot more than bagging bleach and toothpaste together to shock me today, especially when the bagger is in the same generation that’s eating Tide Pods. I can see the new ad campaign today;

“Are you looking for a mouthwash which provides Whiter Teeth and a Brighter Smile, give Clorox an attempt.

Beth also took issue with how the cashier bagged our raw sausage and fresh mixed greens together. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the young lady did not supply us with any food safety precautions, I mean, at least she did have the decency to put both things in one of these there”blue bags” so as we would know what was inside would have to be refrigerated once we got home. We’ve all heard those stories about families becoming sick from their own cooking, and how it could’ve easily been prevented had they have simply followed some sound sanitation and hygiene practices when working in the kitchen. Lets take my sausage and mixed greens dilemma for example. By me merely selecting the proper utensils, this young cashiers bagging faux pas poses no health risk to me or my family at all. I just start my preparation by grabbing a cast iron skillet out from underneath the cooker. Next, I turn one of the huge stove eyes to medium-high (6-7). To avoid any sticking, I recommend that you allow the skillet to warm for 2-3 minutes, just long enough so that you can feel the heat coming up from the skillet when you wave your hands over it but not so long that it’ll burn your fingers when you touch it. Once properly pre-heated, throw that sausage in the pan and cook it until its browned on both sides yet still greasy in the center. The browning of the exterior of this sausage is the most important step, as it ensures that the pan was hot enough to burn off any germs that the sausage may have picked up from touching them nasty greens.

If you have a chance to go visit the new Food Lion, I suggest that you wait a couple of days.

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